The truth about Ebola, ISIS, and Nuclear Waste, part 1

So while staying up last night, I discovered something shocking. I like to browse the internet when I get bored and came across an article about ISIS, nuclear waste, and Ebola. Sadly, when I came back for the hyperlink this morning the site was shut down. Luckily, I have a photographic memory, so I can even include some quotes that I remember.

Piramede inwo, Wikimedia Commons

For those who don't know about ISIS: It is a very dangerous terrorist group that has access to weapons and hates the U.S. They are a scary group that threaten all of our lives. However, the true terror is on how they came about. This will shock you.

Late one night, June 29th 2012 NASA was picking up some heat signatures on some satellites they have tracking the middle east. The heat was estimated to be around 2278 degrees Celsius. NASA zoomed in their satellite lens only to find nuclear waste cans laying in the middle of the desert. Three 8-ton barrels lay full of the green goo you might find inside of nuclear waste containers. That's when NASA realized that no one has the means in the Middle East to move 8-ton barrels of nuclear waste, and where would they get the barrels in the first place. The team started flipping out. They contacted world governments to alert them of possible nuclear war. This was a understatement of what was about to happen.

STS-68, Wikimedia Commons

A few days later when Astro-physicist Michael Narcs was monitoring the barrels, he noticed a shadowy figure approach the barrels. Too stunned to do anything, Narcs just watched in horror as the man dipped his hand in the barrel. He pulled out the goo and looked at it curiously. He began to raise his hand toward his mouth ever so slowly. Narcs finally snapped out of it and hit the first button he could find. This happened to be the launch button for smallest test rocket NASA had, weighing about 20 lbs and standing 5 feet long.. It had launched for the exact coordinates the man about to eat the nuclear waste was standing. The missile headed straight for the man at Mach 5. Before the missile hit, the man licked the waste. The missile hit him head on and exploded in a fiery burst. When the wreckage and dust subsided, all that was left were remnants of barrels as the last bit of waste seeped in the ground. The man was gone.

Nuclear Waste, Wikimedia Commons

Narcs stated after the incident, "He disappeared. He simply vanished. I am not sure if the blast simply shattered his atoms apart, or if he somehow survived and ran, but one thing was for certain; that was awesome." Narcs was regarded as a hero throughout the world. Luckily for the governments around the world the people were so focused on the 4th of July that no one noticed. No one questioned anything. To keep you all in suspense, I will release part two in two days.